Finding and Creating Space

What do I mean when I talk about space? I'm referring to a few different layers, though I'm not diving into each one right now. Mostly, I'm thinking about the space in your breath, the space in your mind... the space in between.

I often talk about the space in between, and by that I mean the space in the breath, the space in the mind. It’s there, in those quiet places, where things start to bubble up. It’s where you begin to see who you really are. It’s where the problems surface, but so do your intentions. Your ambitions. What you actually want. What’s underneath. That knowledge doesn’t come from the surface. It surfaces up from underneath. It comes from a deep place.

How do we create that space? There are several ways. Among them: the breath. Slow it down, breathe deeper, more deliberately. That alone starts to make room in your mind. We can also create space through meditation and silence. First, verbal silence. Then, over time, mental silence.

Meditation isn't all about quieting the mind. There are other aspects to it, and achieving complete silence in the mind is very difficult in today's society. We need to be practical also. It's about building strength and stillness, and then over time, silence comes.

We meditate to build inner strength. And as we do, we start to see things clearly. It’s not dramatic. It’s not sudden. We stop talking. We start listening. The true self isn’t buried deep—it’s just hidden under noise. And meditation isn’t digging. It’s clearing. Chipping away the fluff—like a sculptor trimming a statue. Not adding anything new. Just getting back to what’s always been there.

That space does more than spot problems. Over time, it shows you who you are. Where you want to be. Where you actually want to go.

"The in-between is where life actually lives." – Ram Dass.

What does that mean to me? For me, the space in between is the key to finding our true self. So if the space is where life lives… are we truly alive if we never stop? Never pause? Never experienced silence and stillness every so often?

"Breath is the fine bridge which connects life to consciousness — that's how important it is." – Thich Nhat Hanh.

Consciousness, to me, is being awake. Being alive. Being present. Does it mean that without the breath, we go through life unconsciously? Maybe. A lot of people do — flying through, letting everything whiz past. Myself included, at times. So to me, this quote is about slowing down. Taking a breath. Pausing. Like when you pull up at home after work. Just before you open the door. Stop. One minute. Notice — are you tired? Pissed off? Stressed? Happy to be home? How's your breath? Is it ragged? Fast? Shallow in the chest? Or slow? Deep? Filling your belly? Breath shows us where we are. Slow, deep belly breaths ground us. Calm us. Let us do difficult things. Let us slow the rush.

There's a teacher called Gil Fronsdal – Insight Meditation Center, Redwood City, California. In one of his talks he simply asks, "How are you?" But he means it as a genuine enquiry. He wants you to pause, examine your actual state: How do you truly feel? What is the condition of your mind? How is your body? What do you need for yourself right now? It's not idle chit-chat. It's a prompt to turn inward.

"Space has nothing to do with silence — it's what silence opens up in you." – Pema Chödrön.

She might be saying that space isn't silence itself — maybe it's what silence opens up in you. But either way, if you're new, if the mind won't quiet — don't bother trying. Just sit in silence. Five or ten minutes a day. No phone. No TV. No fiddling. Let the mind go. Let silence do its thing. Space shows up. Whether you notice or not.

When we first create space — when the breath slows and the body’s quiet — what shows up? The thoughts come first. Always. They’ll never fully disappear — not unless you're a monk meditating ten hours a day. Then the boredom hits. And most people grab a phone. But if we just sit — five minutes, timer on — no phone, no screen — let the mind wander — something quiet happens. The boredom passes. And in the clearing — not drama, just stillness — stuff rises. It could be the argument you had. It could be the ambition you forgot. It could be how tired you really are. Or how much you actually love the silence. It could be anger. Or joy. Or nothing. But it’s yours. That’s the point. Not to fix it. To meet it.

We shy away from that space for many reasons – distraction is addictive; screens are everywhere; dopamine hits are instant now – we're not used to stillness or silence or boredom anymore. We're not used to our own minds when they're not full.

We're not used to boredom. That's another reason. We fill the gap instantly – elevator, pub, waiting room, sitting at the table for thirty seconds – phone out. We won’t let ourselves feel the boredom or the emptiness. We won’t let ourselves be alone with our thoughts. But boredom isn’t bad. It’s just not normal anymore. And sitting with it, even five minutes, timer on – no phone – lets something else happen. Something useful.

When the silence finally shows up – what do you think happens next? For some it’s thoughts, replaying the row. For me it’s work. The report I haven’t finished. Does it stay stuck on the problem? Or does it shift, start looking for the fix? Or does it just loop till the timer buzzes and you tell yourself “good enough”? That loop – it’s what we’re trying to break. That’s why the space matters. To stop the loop. And start the seeing.

The gap between breaths – that stillness – is where the real work happens. Nothing dramatic. No lightning. Just noticing. You don’t need to be a monk. You don’t need to hold your breath. Just watch. In… …out… And in that pause, that space, life isn’t rushing. It’s not over. It’s not starting. It’s here. And you’re in it. That’s the point of all this. Not to fix. Not to fill. Just to be. In the space.

Quick Space Starters

• Breathe – slow, deep, belly in. No force.

• Sit – five minutes, no phone, let mind go.

• Pause – car door, front door, before you speak. Ask “how am I?”

• Boredom – set a timer, sit with it. Don’t fill it.

• Notice – the gap between breaths. In… …out… … that’s it.

A guided meditation class runs every Sunday at Castlebarna Wellness Centre at eight p.m.